“You’re single – that means you can serve more.”
“You’re single – You have more energy than those who are married with children.”
“You’re single – you have more free time.”
“You’re single – You should be doing more with your life.”
Some of the above statements are inspired by things people have said over the years about what my singleness should look like. Thankfully these instances have been few and far between! Just thinking about the above phrases quite honestly makes me feel exhausted and anxious, not because I don’t want to use my singleness to serve God, but because I’m limited (and I spent years feeling guilty about it).
Even as a teenager too many late nights, too many early mornings, and too much social overstimulation would leave me ill with exhaustion for days (tell me autoimmune disease runs in your family without telling me haha). I have always needed to be protective of my schedule and my health. I could never attend all of the events, serve whenever possible, and then hang out with friends late for the after party. It was always something I felt guilty about as a young single woman, not necessarily because I was being told I was wrong by the people around me, but because I had placed this pressure on myself to gain the approval of others through what I did.
Was I a “bad” single for not being able to do “more”?
It took years for God to peel back the layers of people pleasing and the idolatry of others’ approval to accept (and feel relief from) the reality that God’s purpose for my singleness isn’t to do more. It isn’t to live beyond the “boundary lines” he has established for me. Even though there IS a unique freedom I am called to steward as a single, God has first and foremost called me to undistracted relationship with him. It’s not first and foremost about doing, but savouring.
The measure of our faithfulness as Christians (especially single Christians) isn’t whether we’re serving in every possible way or in doing something others might consider “big” for God.
The faithfulness God calls me to is often unseen and quiet. It’s trusting God day in and day out, treasuring God’s word, rejoicing in what Jesus Christ has done in the Cross, being led by the Holy Spirit in fighting my sin, navigating the hardships and complexities of life with a heart to walk in a way that glorifies God rather than glorifying myself, clinging to God’s promise – All of this while living a largely unremarkable, unseen, and sometimes painful life. Someone might get a sneak peak through my words and actions, but as with all of us, they are just seeing the sprouts of the unseen roots that God is growing under the soil.
Capacities will change throughout our lives, due to ebbing responsibilities and personal limitations. Don’t despise seasons of diminished ability to serve in “seen” ways – the prayers that take place in your room or your car, the uncelebrated ways you care for family and friends, the mundane yet holy acts of living ordinarily for the glory of God and trusting his promises.
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 1:6
