Hope in the Ashes

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  • Reflection #20: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” -Philippians 4:13


    I have heard and seen this verse on so many platforms and so many pieces of merchandise. People use it like a sort of battle cry or “Christian” superman mantra. I can almost picture the bolded and capped “I CAN DO ALL THINGS,” then the “through him who stretches me” in an unassuming text style.


    I’ve never felt such audacious strength inside or outside
 Possibly with the exception of when I cold lifted a 250 pound couch (before realizing that I pulled a muscle in my leg). 😂


    In light of the many misguided uses of the above verse, would it surprise you to learn that it’s one of my favorite verses? It’s not because it speaks of strength, but because it reminds me that contentment in circumstances that I never wanted is only possible because of Jesus – I can face every circumstance and season through Christ who strengthens me.


    This verse is far more precious and far deeper than a lack of context gives it credit for. 


    Read the previous verse in chapter 4: “In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need” (vs 12). Paul wasn’t speaking of super human strength to do cool things; he was speaking of being content in all circumstances, even the hard ones. 


    Realizing this context transforms how I view my singleness and hard seasons I walk through. Contentment isn’t “I’m fine.” Real contentment, contentment that honors the Lord, isn’t about claiming a kind of pseudo victory rooted in humanistic (sometimes masquerading as “Christianish”) delusion. It is about trusting God. 


    I can do all things.


    I can face need.


    I can face suffering.


    I can face loneliness.


    I can face uncertainty.


    I can accept what is before me without losing hope.


    Why? Not because of any strength that I have, but because it’s actually Jesus who is strong.


    It doesn’t mean fatalistically embracing toughness. It’s not ignoring real need. It’s not lying to myself and others by saying, “Everything is fine.”


    It’s saying:


    Things are hard.


    I feel weak.


    The future is uncertain.


    But I’m not alone.


    Jesus is with me, and He’s going to give me the strength to keep going, wherever life leads (and I know it ultimately leads to being with Him forever).


    “We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.” -Hebrews 6:19-20

  • Reflection #19: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness

    “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” –Proverbs 13:12


    When God says “No,” it is often perplexing.  It is a jolt, a bitter blow to the heart.  It is often disappointing and disillusioning – why?  God often calls us to let go of the things we thought were his will and move forward in faith, not knowing what shape our futures will take.

    I don’t know about you, but I often tend to see the world (and even God’s will) in terms of what I want and don’t want, rather than what God has or has not called me to. When I am focused on my own desires, God has ceased to be at the center of my thought life.  


    Our desires are not always a foreshadowing of things to come, but a tool in humility that God uses to drive us to greater dependence on him.  I have often found that when I begin to let go of deeply rooted desires, I feel a cavern within my soul, an emptiness.  It is a part of my heart that I have filled with something other than God.  Lord, may you fill every part of our hearts and desires!  

    Part of allowing God to direct our hearts is letting go of the page He is turning and entrust our decisions and affections to the will of God.  Sometimes His will can be a mystery and sometimes it can be characterized by the heartache of a “No” even to the good desire of marriage.


    Let not your heart grow “sick” because God has closed a door you hoped would be opened; remember that your hope has been secured through the finished work of Jesus Christ.  If He was faithful to redeem your soul from death, He will be faithful to bring good and hope from your disappointments! 


    “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” –Romans 15:13

  • Reflection #18: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness

    Technically I missed day 18 (I needed a little break after 17 days of reflections). 😆 Here is another music video I created of one of my songs (purely for creativity and my own enjoyment
 not because it’s exceptional). The story in this song is not my own, but pieces of others’ stories that inspired me. Hope doesn’t have to end when dreams “die.”

  • Reflection #17: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    One of my favorite things about singleness is having the freedom to be weird and creative. I don’t have infinite time as someone with a career and being in a season of providing extra care for a parent, but when I do have free time, it’s completely my own. Fewer distractions, fewer worries, just me enjoying creating. It’s a gift, and one that I never want to take for granted. So in honor of the theme of creativity, I’m re-sharing a revamped spooky song that I used a combo of Canva and Claude to turn into a vintage styled video. Not perfect by any means, but just a bit of fun. 😉

  • Reflection #16: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:19


    Do I really believe this? Being an aging single can often leave me feeling exposed – I don’t have a husband, father, brother, or children in my life that I could look to when life gets hard. I don’t have anyone who sees me as a consistent priority. So much of singles’ lives, struggles, and needs can go unnoticed, not because no one cares about them, but because their life isn’t always closely observed by someone else. It takes effort and initiative to bring others into my experiences. I’ve been learning that people don’t know how to care for me unless I actually communicate what my struggles and needs are.


    Even though it can feel like I’m no one’s priority as a single, I am seen, known, and cared for by my Heavenly Father. It doesn’t mean that I won’t experience need or situations that (in my mind) wouldn’t feel so hard if I had a husband, but it does mean that I can rest in God’s promises. He will provide for my needs. 


    Just because I can’t predict where God’s provision will come from, or who it may come through, doesn’t mean that God isn’t actively working for my provision. He will provide. 


    “Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,d yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!” -Luke 12:27-28


    Singleness can be hard because I can’t easily trace God’s provision and protection. It can sometimes feel like I’m floating on waves without the anchor of a family, but that isn’t really true, is it? Family can have a kind of anchoring effect, but it’s not an anchor that can hold “within the veil” – it’s not strong enough, deep enough, or eternal enough. There is only one anchor for my soul and one Shepherd who is able to lead me and protect me through every valley. 


    “My Redeemer’s love will lead me
    Through the deepest valley here
    He will shepherd me and guide me
    He will ever keep me near” -from the song “My Redeemer’s Love.”

  • Reflection #15: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    “Anthropology.”


    “Antho polly whaty?”


    When I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in anthropology, I had no idea that I would be spending a good 10 minutes out of most job interviews explaining what it is and why it’s cool.


    As I look back on specific experiences and seasons that have shaped me, studying anthropology at a liberal, academically rigorous college is definitely in my top three.


    Just to build some bridges, whether people have had a predominantly Christian or secular college education doesn’t matter (both have value and both have disadvantages). What matters is that each of us follow where God himself is leading us (not what the people around us are doing).


    As an 18 year old beginning college, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, let along study in college. After doing very well at a community college and some providential timing, I was accepted and offered a significant scholarship to attend Rollins College. It was a small liberal arts college with an exceptionally diverse anthropology program. 


    From challenges to my faith that I had never experienced before, shattering the primacy Eurocentric perspectives, and asking what it means to care for people who are different from me, God used this education to root me deeper in His word while simultaneously learning not to be afraid of hard questions. 


    Anthropology definitely isn’t for everyone. It’s uncomfortable and straddles a kind of fringe liberality that most would find questionable, but it’s where God led me and it’s something that I never regretted studying. It’s  provided me with unexpected jobs, it taught me to engage with perspectives I disagree with in a non-aggressive way, it showed me the power of observation, it taught me how to love people better, and most importantly, it taught me to stand firmly on Scripture rather than following trends and traditions. 


    P.S. Just In case you don’t know, anthropology isn’t to be confused with the clothing store Anthropologie. It is the science of human beings. To this day it’s one of my favorite topics to discuss and a key reason I studied ethnomusicology several years later
 but that’s another story. 😉

  • Reflection #14: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness

    After a few lengthy and heavy reflections, here is a simple one: I am so grateful for all of the people (most of whom have been women in my family and friends) who have come alongside me in singleness. Some of these individuals have gone to be with Jesus, some have married, some are still close friends, and others have needed to prioritize other relationships. Even with the changing of location and season of life, I’m so deeply grateful to each and every woman who had sought to encourage me and point me to Christ over these past 22 years.

    P.S. The list of women that are close to my heart (family and friends) is SIGNIFICANTLY larger than this picture. I either just didn’t have a photo of us together or the photo I did take was so terrible I thought it was more merciful not to include (due to my own poor photography skills, I promise)! đŸ€ŁđŸ€ŁđŸ€Ł

  • Reflection # 13: 22 Reflections on 22 Years 22 Years of Singleness

    This could be dubbed “Purity – Part 2” or a kind of addendum to my last post. 

    Purity is so often referred to within the context of marriage (and it should be), but as a single woman, I cannot view purity simply in terms of: “I need to be faithful to the spouse God will give me one day” or “Pursuing purity now will make my marriage that much better”

    I may never get married.

    I may get married and have a hard marriage.

    I might gain the marriage I hope for, but still find my heart longing after other things.

    I might do all the “right” things and still obtain what feels like a bitter providence.

    What does purity get those who seek it, treasure it, and fight for it?

    It’s not a better life on this earth.

    Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God (Matthew 5:8).

    Am I willing to let go of the prize that I imagine I deserve for obedience and instead receive the mercy and eternal inheritance in Christ that I could never have earned? 

    Will I surrender the hope of this age, which clings to a formulaic yet faulty quid pro quo for following God, or will I follow Jesus in the way of the cross?

    “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” -Matthew 16:24

    And what gain is there? I’ll let my favorite verse from “Christ is Mine Forevermore” answer this:

    “And mine are keys to Zion city

    Where beside the King I walk

    For there my heart has found its treasure Christ is mine forevermore.”

    Jesus is the treasure – He’s the One cleared our sinful record and who makes it possible to obey God.

    He is my reward and the reason I want to strive for purity.  

  • Reflection #12: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    As a young woman, if someone had mentioned the possibility that I may have struggled with lust, I would have fiercely protested. How could I possibly struggle with lust as a young Christian woman? I knew for sure that I didn’t struggle in this way
 Ah, but time revealed a different story, a story of mentally lingering on fantasies, ruminating on images, and  insisting that my imagination provide gratification for my longing for marriage. My protests against struggling with sexual temptation didn’t erase the battle for my soul that was taking place, or the deep sadness and loneliness that it left me with. Throughout the past two decades, I’ve had many, many friends – dear friends, friends I love, and friends who love Jesus – struggle with pornography addiction, masturbation, same-sex attraction, and gender dysphoria. Some struggled quietly and internally; others found themselves entangled in destructive relationships. 


    I’m going to say something that might be uncomfortable to think about, but after decades of singleness and interactions with many single women over the years, I believe that it’s true: every single woman struggles with purity. It may look different and vary in severity, but all struggle on some level. My purpose in saying this isn’t to minimize the severity of sin or encourage anyone to share the details of struggles they have in a public space; rather, my heart in bringing up this topic is 1) To remind those who struggle in this area that they are not alone and 2) To encourage anyone struggling to seek community among other Christian women they trust. 


    The enemy loves to keep things hidden, to overwhelm with shame, and to encourage the lie that if anyone knew our struggles, we’d be rejected. 


    This isn’t how God operates.


    Conviction and confession of sin is an evidence of God’s grace. 


    1 John 1:9 says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”


    This is the promise that we have in Jesus Christ! Faithfulness, forgiveness, and cleansing, not rejection.


    We live in a society and a moment in technology where both men and women are aggressively targeted by images, interactions, and storylines that carry destruction veiled as promises of connection and satisfaction. 


    Don’t buy into the lie that these things will bring happiness, and you need to keep your struggles hidden. There is grace to be found in Jesus and there are so many fellow Christians who have a heart to walk alongside you as friends in these struggles.


    “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” -Hebrews 4:15-16

  • Reflection #11: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” -Isaiah 55:8-9


    I can’t assume that I know what God is doing in my life – his ways are not my ways. This is a humbling and can be a frustrating reminder for those who are asking God to act in specific ways. In times when life has been hard or confusing, it can look as though things just keep going wrong, regardless of my prayers and regardless of how fervently I sought good. 


    What is God doing? 


    The most honest answer: I don’t know, but He does.


    He knows, He sees, He works sovereignly, and He works for good. 


    Will I cling to the tiny, partial puzzle piece of what I can see in this moment, or will I trust the One who sees the entire picture?


    I wrote the poem below a couple of few years ago when I was struggling with where my life was at – I was single when I didn’t want to be, I had a job I didn’t want, and God has placed me in a number of situations where I had to let go of everything I hoped my life would be. It was a (creative) way of acknowledging the struggle in my heart, accepting where God had placed me, and reminding myself heart to surrender to the One who is writing my story:


    When the Harvest Fails


    I came to the fields to sow some seed,
    hoping for a harvest to succeed,
    but when I stood before the hardened ground 
    no seeds and no harvest were to be found.
    I prayed to the God of the harvest
    that He would provide as He had promised,
    but as I looked upon barren lands
    no life and no strength was in my hands.
    Everything that I hoped for was gone
    and I cried, “My God, what have you done?”
    I heard no great thunder in response
    and no resolve to my circumstance.
    In agony my anxious heart prevailed;
    I tried to understand why good had failed.
    As I angrily and anxiously prayed,
    I heard a quiet voice in my soul say,
    “Will you wrestle in vain with your lot,
    or will you be still and know that I am God?”