Hope in the Ashes

Recent Posts

  • Reflection #10: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    Sometimes encouragement comes through direct reminders of Biblical truth, and other times it comes in the form of what I like to call “Gospel shadows” – reminders that come from unexpected sources. I’ve read many books and stories over the past several years, some of them might be labeled “Christian” or “theological,” and others aren’t. I’ve experienced deep encouragement, challenged thinking, and reminders that God is at work from both. Here is a list of some of the highlights of books that had an impact (in some form or another) throughout my single life:


    Knowing God – JI Packer 


    Living Life Backward: How Ecclesiastes Teaches Us to Live in Light of the End – David Gibson


    Safe and Sound: Standing Firm in Spiritual Battles – David Powlison


    Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers – Dane Ortlund


    Untangling Emotions – J. Alisdair Groves and Winston T. Smith


    Delighting in the Trinity: An Introduction to the Christian Faith – Michael Reeves


    Not by Sight: A Fresh Look at Old Stories of Walking by Faith – Jon Bloom


    Making All Things New – David Powlison 


    Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy – Eric Metaxes


    The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self – Carl Trueman


    You Can Trust God to Write Your Story – Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Robert Wolgemuth


    God Took Me by the Hand – Jerry Bridges


    Suffering is Never for Nothing – Elisabeth Elliot


    How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing – KC Davis


    Becoming Elisabeth Elliot/Being Elisabeth Elliot – Ellen Vaughn


    The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt – Edmund Morris (really I love anything on my guy, Teddy!)


    The Anne of Green Gables series – L.M. Montgomery


    Pollyanna – Eleanor Porter 


    Journey to the Center of the Earth – Jules Verne


    Out of the Silent Planet – C.S. Lewis 


    Something Wicked This Way Comes – Ray Bradbury 


    Persuasion – Jane Austen


    A Christmas Carol and Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens


    Macbeth – William Shakespeare


    Grimm’s Fairytales – The Brothers Grimm


    Hans Andersen’s Fairytales – Hans Christian Andersen

  • Reflection #9: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness

    The last couple of posts have been more on the griefs and struggles of singleness, so I decided to keep things a little bit lighter for this post. One of my favourite things about singleness is the mental space and time to be able to take up new hobbies and express myself creatively. For those who know me, creativity is a huge part of my personality (for better and for worse 😂). Here is a list of hobbies, interests, and artistic endeavors that I’ve either been able to continue to engage in or have dabbled in over the past 22 years:
    Drawing
    Watercolor
    Alcohol markers
    Colored pencils
    Diamond painting
    Crochet
    Singing
    Songwriting
    Poetry
    Short stories
    Jewel remaking (including chain maille)
    Cooking
    Baking
    Calligraphy
    Card making
    Scrapbooking
    Photo editing
    Video editing
    Meme creation
    Theater
    Nail art (although I’ll be honest, I’m truly horrible at this one and quickly decided to go the fake nail route 😂)
    Making my own skin care products
    Hand sewing/mending (another thing that I have the technical skill for, but I’m not very good at it)
    Cross stitch
    I fully anticipate that this list will continue to grow throughout my life, not necessarily because I’m single, but because I love to create.

  • Reflection #8: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    I was and probably will always be something of a late bloomer.


    Growing up,  with anxiety and people pleasing often left me with shattered confidence and haunted by comparing myself to others. As a young woman, I often felt behind as I watched friend and after friend get married, have children, and appear to have a general trajectory of predictability for their lives (which looking back now, this assumption wasn’t true at all – God has unforeseen journeys for everyone’s life).


    Extended singleness (among many other experiences) has been a key tool that God has used to pick away at the strongholds of fear and idolatry in my heart. 


    Learning to shift my focus away from myself and others and instead look to Jesus is easily the entire story of my life in a nutshell.


    Seeing my world, my experiences, my hopes, and my disappointments through the lens of eternity change my view of how big those things are.


    The desire for marriage is hard to surrender.


    The longing for motherhood is hard to surrender.


    Hopes, dreams, plans, accomplishments – they are so hard to surrender.


    Yet… I won’t see my Savior face to face and suddenly feel inadequate because I never married or never had children.


    I won’t have a less full salvation or a smaller inheritance because I wasn’t wealthy or seen as important among my peers – Jesus himself is my salvation and my inheritance.


    All of the disappointments and shattered dreams, all of the good things we worked for but never saw good from in return, all of the seed hopefully cast onto the soil that never grew – they died and disappeared – not one of these hard things will make Jesus less glorious or his salvation any less amazing.


    Are you feeling defeated, confused, and possible heartbroken with how your life has turned out? In eternity, Jesus isn’t going to commend us for all of the things we accomplished in life – whether we married, what job we had, the amount of money in our bank accounts, or the number of awards we obtained. But you know what he has promised to do? He will wipe away our tears. 


    “They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” -Revelation 7:16-17

  • Reflection #7: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” -Romans 8:18


    There is a grief that can feel difficult to share with others – the grief of an aging single woman who always wanted to be a mother. First, it’s difficult to articulate because it often feels wrong, like a grief I never earned the right to have as an unmarried person. Second, I would never want to distract from or minimize the deep pain of couples experiencing infertility. 


    There are waves of deep sadness knowing that I may never have my own children, followed by waves of hope knowing that God is the one writing my story (and he doesn’t make mistakes). I anticipate that this ebb and flow of sadness and hope will last (on some level) throughout my life. 


    I think this is what can really frighten young single women who hope for marriage and motherhood – unfulfilled desires that remain desires. It’s a future that appears as though triumph was replaced by longing and prayers replaced with lament.


    But is that really true?


    Only if God isn’t both sovereign and good. 


    And just to set the record straight:
    God IS sovereign over every detail of our lives and God IS good all of the time. 


    Unmet desires that remain unmet for an unknown reason won’t have the last word. Salvation will. Redemption will. Sovereignty will. Goodness will. 


    “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” -Psalm 23:6


    And just to put friends who are mothers at ease, the joy and gratefulness I feel for you and the children that God has provided you with is exponentially greater than any sadness I feel not being a mom. I love you and your children! 

  • Reflection #6: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus…” -Hebrews 12:1a


    With endurance – that’s the kind of running that God is calling me to. Other Bible translations (the above verse was in the ESV) use the words “perseverance” and “patience.” These aren’t sprinting words. God knows the race is long and the road is difficult. I don’t know about you, but I sigh with relief when I realize that I don’t have to be fast – I just need to keep moving forward one step at a time without giving up (I couldn’t do it apart from God’s help!). 


    Realizing the need for endurance and perseverance in running has impacted how I view serving and how I view my own singleness. If I view my singleness as only being a short-term “race,” I will quickly grow weary, not only because my expectations are misaligned with the mystery of God’s plan, but I will also be working (and serving) for what I think the next season will hold. The road is long and often has an unknown expiration date, so I need endurance, patience, perseverance, and I need to keep my eyes on Jesus. He is able to strengthen weary hands and hearts to keep going, no matter how long different seasons last!

  • Reflection #5: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    “You’re single – that means you can serve more.”


    “You’re single – You have more energy than those who are married with children.”


    “You’re single – you have more free time.”


    “You’re single – You should be doing more with your life.”


    Some of the above statements are inspired by things people have said over the years about what my singleness should look like. Thankfully these instances have been few and far between! Just thinking about the above phrases quite honestly makes me feel exhausted and anxious, not because I don’t want to use my singleness to serve God, but because I’m limited (and I spent years feeling guilty about it).


    Even as a teenager too many late nights, too many early mornings, and too much social overstimulation would leave me ill with exhaustion for days (tell me autoimmune disease runs in your family without telling me haha). I have always needed to be protective of my schedule and my health. I could never attend all of the events, serve whenever possible, and then hang out with friends late for the after party. It was always something I felt guilty about as a young single woman, not necessarily because I was being told I was wrong by the people around me, but because I had placed this pressure on myself to gain the approval of others through what I did.


    Was I a “bad” single for not being able to do “more”?


    It took years for God to peel back the layers of people pleasing and the idolatry of others’ approval to accept (and feel relief from) the reality that God’s purpose for my singleness isn’t to do more. It isn’t to live beyond the “boundary lines” he has established for me. Even though there IS a unique freedom I am called to steward as a single, God has first and foremost called me to undistracted relationship with him. It’s not first and foremost about doing, but savouring.


    The measure of our faithfulness as Christians (especially single Christians) isn’t whether we’re serving in every possible way or in doing something others might consider “big” for God. 


    The faithfulness God calls me to is often unseen and quiet. It’s trusting God day in and day out, treasuring God’s word, rejoicing in what Jesus Christ has done in the Cross, being led by the Holy Spirit in fighting my sin, navigating the hardships and complexities of life with a heart to walk in a way that glorifies God rather than glorifying myself, clinging to God’s promise – All of this while living a largely unremarkable, unseen, and sometimes painful life. Someone might get a sneak peak through my words and actions, but as with all of us, they are just seeing the sprouts of the unseen roots that God is growing under the soil.


    Capacities will change throughout our lives, due to ebbing responsibilities and personal limitations. Don’t despise seasons of diminished ability to serve in “seen” ways – the prayers that take place in your room or your car, the uncelebrated ways you care for family and friends, the mundane yet holy acts of living ordinarily for the glory of God and trusting his promises. 


    “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 1:6

  • Reflection #4: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    Extended singleness has meant that I’ve lived some very different “lives.” Currently I’m rocking the “reluctant corporate queen”/nerdy Jill of many trades life. 😂 Looking back over the years, what is consistent is that God has taught me in every field I’ve worked in, every state I’ve lived in, and every “life” I’ve lived. Here is a small snapshot of the past 22 years:


    States: MD, FL, MN, IL, KY


    Degrees: B.A. Anthropology, M.A. Ethnomusicology


    Job Highlights: Teacher, Tutor, Behavior Technician, Analyst, Trainer, Instructional Designer


    Cats: Whiskers (Deceases), Pumpkin (Deceased), Shawn, and Gus


    Hobbies: Poetry, music, arts and crafts (of various kinds)


    Current Research Obsessions: Tornadoes, cryptids, fringe medicine/science, true crime

  • Reflection #3: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” -Psalm 16:6


    Being single at 21 versus being single at 35+ isn’t the same season. Singleness has many seasons. In and just after college is a season of coming into adulthood, being established in faith, and developing character that will serve or hinder for the decades to come. On the flipside, the “middle aged single “ (Wow, I hate this term, but it’s for comparative purposes only!) is a mature adult and, if they were saved as a child or teenager, they may have been a Christian for decades. Many times they already experience the fruit – both good and bad – of their character and choices formed earlier in life. They’ve experienced disappointment and often suffer in general on a deeper level than most young adults. What should community with older singles look like? There have always been older single women at the church. Some are lifelong single women, some are divorced, some are widowed, and some are navigating relational complexities that few people may be aware of. There aren’t just women in their 30s but also their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and even 90s. Some have a family network but many don’t. What does it look like to remind such women that they are seen and cared for, even though they may never marry/remarry? What does it look like to care for “older “single women, not just see them as “able to serve” or “able to mentor” because they are unattached? This is not a criticism of the church. I love my church and I feel seen/cared for by so many brothers and sisters in Christ, but I do think that my generation is seeing more and more aging unmarried women within the church walls. Singleness IS a gift, but it can also be scary and lonely especially in crisis, unexpected expenses, and navigating health issues alone. Would you pray with me that God would provide “home,” provide families to closely walk along side them, and protection for the many older singles (both men and women) in our churches? That God would remind them that they are seen, they are loved, and that eternal joy is coming one day? 

  • Reflection #2: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness



    “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” -Psalm 139:14


    Emotionally one of the hardest experiences of extended singleness is the realisation that I may never have children of my own (I’ll probably talk about this more in future posts). But here is an even more important realisation: how God has wired me as a woman with the qualities of mothering does not begin or end with biological motherhood. It shows up in daily interactions with others, because caring for, protecting, and nurturing is a way of approaching and investing in the people around me. Right now (and maybe not ever) God hasn’t called me to be a mom but he has called me to take care of those around me, and that’s most recently been applied to an indefinite season of caretaking for my mom. 


    So many of the skills and different “hats” normally associated with being a wife and mom are all a part of my daily juggling act (while also holding a full-time job).


    And just so no one misunderstands my heart, I so deeply respect mothers and I know that my experience of caretaking, while having similarities, is also different from raising a child. Both are hard in unique ways; however, I both are pictures of “mothering.” Motherhood is a wider road than I ever realized as a young woman – it be caretaking, fostering, being an aunt, taking care of a family in need, mentoring – and there are so many single women who are expressing motherly love and care for those around them.


    Remembering this doesn’t diminish the distinction and honor of the women who are called to motherhood. It reminds me to look beyond what feels like emptiness and remember that God has created me, equipped me, and strengthened me to serve others (including future generations) in both specific and meaningful ways as a single/childless woman. This applies to ALL single women who desire to be mothers, but may never be.

  • Reflection #1: 22 Reflections on 22 Years of Singleness


    You heard right – 22 years. I still do a double take in my mind when I realize that on the 22nd of this month, I turn 40. That means that as someone who has been single the entirety of my adult life, I will have been single for all 22 of them. 


    22 years single on the 22nd feels like a kind of “golden” birthday, so I decided to celebrate with one reflection each day in October leading up to my birthday. Some will be short, some will be long, others may be slightly will, and hopefully none of them are too sad. I can guarantee that all of will be a little quirky and creative (just like me).


    My heart is to share bits and pieces of my walk with God as a lifelong single. My story isn’t one that is comfortable to hear about, especially for any young single women who desire marriage. In fact, I often feel discomfort as I look at the story God is writing in my life, because it’s not the one I prayed for or expected – God doesn’t write comfortable, predictable stories. He authors salvation and redemption that is only possible through Jesus Christ. Complicated, uncomfortable stories have a place among the people of God, and so I will be sharing tiny pieces of my own.


    Reflection #1


    “As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.” -Luke 8:15


    Counting the cost of following Jesus is not a one-time decision that simply happens at salvation, but a daily practice. In Matthew 16:24, Jesus said “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” If I am not choosing choosing Jesus daily, I am choosing to follow other things. I am convinced following these other things, whether they are outright lies, our own emotions, the limitations of our own understanding, or the blinders of circumstances, create paths of heartache that God doesn’t want us to continue walking down:


    Questioning…
    -My value
    -My identity
    -My womanhood  
    -My role in the church
    -God’s sovereignty
    -And ultimately God’s goodness in my singleness 


    When I am focused on the above, it becomes easy to rationalize:


    -Self-pity
    -People pleasing
    -Discontentment
    -Lust
    -Complaining
    -Idolatry


    Everyday, in every stage of life, but especially as a single living in an identity confused, sex-obsessed society, I need to remember who I belong to each and every day. 


    I belong to Jesus.


    Even on days that feel confusing, overwhelming, or disappointing, I belong to Jesus. I want to follow him (even unto old age in singleness if that’s his plan for my life).


    “But as for me and my house…” – Even my little house of one – “we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).