You heard right – 22 years. I still do a double take in my mind when I realize that on the 22nd of this month, I turn 40. That means that as someone who has been single the entirety of my adult life, I will have been single for all 22 of them.
22 years single on the 22nd feels like a kind of “golden” birthday, so I decided to celebrate with one reflection each day in October leading up to my birthday. Some will be short, some will be long, others may be slightly will, and hopefully none of them are too sad. I can guarantee that all of will be a little quirky and creative (just like me).
My heart is to share bits and pieces of my walk with God as a lifelong single. My story isn’t one that is comfortable to hear about, especially for any young single women who desire marriage. In fact, I often feel discomfort as I look at the story God is writing in my life, because it’s not the one I prayed for or expected – God doesn’t write comfortable, predictable stories. He authors salvation and redemption that is only possible through Jesus Christ. Complicated, uncomfortable stories have a place among the people of God, and so I will be sharing tiny pieces of my own.
Reflection #1
“As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.” -Luke 8:15
Counting the cost of following Jesus is not a one-time decision that simply happens at salvation, but a daily practice. In Matthew 16:24, Jesus said “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” If I am not choosing choosing Jesus daily, I am choosing to follow other things. I am convinced following these other things, whether they are outright lies, our own emotions, the limitations of our own understanding, or the blinders of circumstances, create paths of heartache that God doesn’t want us to continue walking down:
Questioning…
-My value
-My identity
-My womanhood
-My role in the church
-God’s sovereignty
-And ultimately God’s goodness in my singleness
When I am focused on the above, it becomes easy to rationalize:
-Self-pity
-People pleasing
-Discontentment
-Lust
-Complaining
-Idolatry
Everyday, in every stage of life, but especially as a single living in an identity confused, sex-obsessed society, I need to remember who I belong to each and every day.
I belong to Jesus.
Even on days that feel confusing, overwhelming, or disappointing, I belong to Jesus. I want to follow him (even unto old age in singleness if that’s his plan for my life).
“But as for me and my house…” – Even my little house of one – “we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).
